Reminiscing -what was & what might have been

We have come to Jordan for our annual field retreat. We came early because of flight schedules and are spending a few days in Aqaba, packing up our things & visiting friends. There is a deep sadness as we look around and see all the work that went into our house, all the relationships that took time to build and still go very deep. I cried myself to sleep the first night in my comfortable bed, a bed that has been mine through several houses and countries. I woke in the morning to my beautiful back yard & my special place where I used to have my devotions. The trees that I planted were now tall and beautiful. Sitting in that sacred place with my coffee, I listened to the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir singing "He is worthy of our sacrifice". Ugh, why is life so stinkin' hard? Sometimes the sacrifice seems too great. I wonder how many more times I will have to move? How many more times will I make deep relationships only to cast them aside once again? I have been forced to bury so many memories, so many friendships...it is agonizing when friends pour out their hearts to me and I am helpless to do anything but pray for them. I can no longer bear their burdens; I have other burdens to bear now and they must learn to rely on another. Life is all about pain and sacrifice. That I have learned. I have also learned that I am able to bear far more than I ever dreamed I could & that the God who called me is more than able to provide all I need to live a victorious life. I so love this place & long to be here but God has other plans and as I obey, I am confident that he will give me a love & passion for the new place he's taken me to. I guess it comes down to "can I trust Him?" I know I can, so I blindly follow, holding his hand as he leads the way.